He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
