Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Are we still banned from the library?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
