is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We got so high we made milksteak
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
