I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
