I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
