Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
