Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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