I accidentally burped into my bong.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
