he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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