Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
