I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
