Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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