Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
