so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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