My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
