im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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