just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I intend to get homeless drunk
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
