its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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