you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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