SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
