Your tits are I can't wait for
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
