I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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