we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
