they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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