How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
