The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
