yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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