is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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