U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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