your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
