THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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