Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
