those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
