the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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