Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
