is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
