I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
