The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
