What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
