how can u be prego again
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
