Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
