Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
