You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
