I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
