I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
