would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
