1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
he just fucked me for my cheese..
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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