You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
