Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
