yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
