Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
