But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
