And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
