I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
